Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Dating Sim

It’s very late at night, and you enter a place called the Wangsheng Funeral Parlour out of curiosity. After all, you did receive a mysterious invitation to join. You see a bunch of people inside, waiting around… You speak to the receptionist and ask why there are a bunch of people around. The receptionist tells you that the Wangsheng Funeral Parlour is hosting a lot of events tonight and that you are welcome to join in on the fun. “If you need any assistance, feel free to speak with any of the staff around! Oh, and don’t forget to follow the rules!” The receptionist points to a board on the wall. --- ''What will you do?'' (link:"1. Ignore reading the rules and head towards the center of the room.")[(set: $varHasReadRules to 0)(goto:"Invitation")] (link:"2. Read the rules.")[(set: $varHasReadRules to 1)(goto:"Invitation")] [[3. Leave the parlor.->Route T: Timmy]]

<img src="https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/gensin-impact/images/2/29/Timmie.png" height="300"> You leave the parlor, thinking that tonight isn’t the night for socializing with the staff members. Upon exiting, you see a young boy with pale skin, blue eyes, and short dirty blonde hair. In front of him, you notice a flock of pigeons happily nibbling on bread crumbs. --- ''What will you do?'' [[1. Kill the pigeons.->Ending Timmy (Bad)]] [[2. Don’t kill the pigeons.->Ending Timmy (Good)]]

<img src="https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/gensin-impact/images/2/29/Timmie.png" height="300"> You do not kill Timmie's pigeons. “Argh! YOU again!” Timmie exclaims, visually frustrated. “I’m about to feed them. What are you doing here?!” “Sorry…. Just passing by...” you apologize, scratching the back of your head. “Hmph. Well, Mommy always tells me that if someone's really sorry, they will show it with their actions, not their words. The bridge pigeons are my friends. I feed them all the time. But these days the ducks are coming and stealing their food, and the pigeons never have enough to eat anymore. I want you to find three wheats for me and feed them to the ducks. While you're doing that, I can make sure the bridge pigeons get enough to eat. Once both sides have had enough to eat, maybe everyone can become friends.” It seems as if you received another commission to Timmy… And since you’ll gladly work for free Primogems, you complete the task hastily. Afterwards, you check if there’s anything else you should do before you call it a night. Resin? Nope, you’re out of Resin. Weekly Bosses? Nope, you already did those for the week. Abyss? Ahhh… you’re a F2P player who puts all your resources into Amber and plays Genshin on mobile… Co-Op with friends? Hmm… your Friends List is looking a bit empty… You think to yourself... Maybe I should go back to the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. (END)

You choose to attend Olivia’s karaoke night for the first time. You are nervous but chose to attend for their deep love for Olivia. Olivia yells, "yee haw Wangsheng Funeral Parlor not Hu Tao mains! i hope y'all are ready for a karaoke night that slaps mega hard! Anyone wanna sing?" Nobody responds after 4 seconds so points to you. "hey what about you?" She asks. --- ''What do you say?'' [[1. "No."->Ending Olivia - 1]] [[2. "I only came for you milady." You tip your fedora.->Ending Olivia - 2]] [[3. "Glad I could make it!"->Route Olivia - 1]] [[4. "Are you Olivia, or are you Three Parrots in a Trench Coat?"->Ending Olivia - 6]]

<img src="https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/gensin-impact/images/2/29/Timmie.png" height="300"> You kill Timmie's pigeons. “What're you doing!! You're scaring the pigeons away!” Timmie exclaims, angrily. You reassure Timmie that they’ll come back. “They do come back usually... But what happens if one day they leave and never come back again? Just like... daddy…” Timmie summons his imaginary friend, the Ruin Guard, and orders it to kill you. <img src="https://media1.tenor.com/images/9adc8ea4b25fdc6fb763f804ac8d9f5e/tenor.gif" height="300"> (BAD END)

> 10000 Otaku marries you to Kiri, but Nesquik walks in with a shovel above her head and says. "You're coming with me!" and proceeds to make you reroll 1000 Genshin accounts until you get Hu Tao for her on one of them. Then you slowly fall asleep, and regret ever coming to Wangsheng Marriage Parlor in the first place. (END)

> 10001 Otaku marries you to Flame, but then you are immediately divorced because you are not Flame's waifu. Nobody is Flame's waifu. The end. (END)

> 10002 Otaku marries you to Nes, but then she says, "I am sorry, though I am married to you now, I am still engaged to Kiri, and that is where my loyalties lie." You then say, "well, Bouken da Ben Drowned, Nesquik, but I'm out." Nes is fine with that, and she goes and rerolls on Genshin again. (END)

> 10003 Otaku attempts to marry you to Shiro, but.... Someone pops out from nowhere and interrupts Otaku… <img src="https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/754/539/566.gif"> (END)

> 10004 Otaku marries you to Lumie, and Lumie and you are both overjoyed. Lumie proceeds to post a render of you and her wedding on Twitter, it gets over 20,000 likes. Then, people comment in the comment section of Lumie's Twitter, like usual, saying Lumie is Mihoyo confirmed. "But, who is this other Mihoyo staff member in the render?" they ask. To clear things up and protect your identity, Lumie comments back, saying it is Minecraft Steve, and that this is a leak of a new collaboration. Then, it gets screenshotted, Demone Kim makes another YouTube video about it, and it ends up on the cover of the New York Times. Lumie does not deny these rumors, because it was just that funny. Afterwards, Mihoyo picks up on the hype and wants of the community, and has a Minecraft Collaboration, stealing Lumie's render of you as Steve to use in the Genshin collab. In the end, it was a triple win, kill-at-least-7-pigeons-with-one-stone scenario, and you end up as a playable character with your new wife. Together, you whale for yourselves. The end. (END)

> 10005 Otaku marries you to Sel. At your wedding ceremony, you have a poster of Ningguang that someone gifted you from a made-to-order art print website. However, there was no source listed under the poster. Soon after the ceremony starts, Sel notices this fatal mistake, and looks at you with burning, red eyes of anger. She then turns into a hamster, shapeshifting into the pet she loves so much, and jumps in your hair; her small feet intertwine with every strand. You then pick up the hamster, and gently place it on the table in front of you. As soon as you do this, she looks up at your face, pleading, and says, "Please source your art." When you reply with the word "No," she says "Well, it is time for you to go." Then, she sends you into an alternate dimension of eternal darkness with no chance of escape. (END)

> 10006 Otaku tries to marry you to Jonny. However, Jonny says that he will not marry you until you watch Shrek at one of his movie nights. However, you did not attend his Shrek movie night, and you are sad. RIP you and Jonny's relationship. Maybe you can still watch when he attempts to stream abyss again? (END)

> 10007 Hmm...HotSauce’s heart belongs only to Oli-No-Nope! Definitely not! HotSauce x Olivia = NOPE! Because Olivia was never WangshengMarried to HotSauce in the first place, and the WangshengMarriage was annulled, and they were also divorced. Let’s make this clear… it was annulled and they were WangshengDivorced! IT IS NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN HOTSAUCE. DROP IT! Alas, it seems like you ended up with no one. (END)

> 10008 Mope says "wtf no" before Otaku could even attempt to marry you. No WangshengMarriage for you today- sucks to be you, I guess. You will never be good enough to marry the person who made Hmm-tao, or who is self-proclaimed The Best. Maybe if you try hard enough, though, he will dm you a :KeqingHeart: of your very own. Or maybe draw you your own broken heart variation. Maybe someday... (END)

> 10009 Otaku marries you to Toki, and then Toki gives you Nitro. Then you are WangshengDivorced because you now have a month of Nitro, and you do not need to worry about Nitro for a whole month. (END)

> 10010 Otaku marries you to Mudz, and Mudz attempts to grief your Minecraft house, then never answers your DMs except for sending the occasional Hmm-tao, asking you if you will do dailies with him. Too bad Hmm-tao has been dead since December. How sad. I guess your parkour map will never come to fruition, bruh. (END)

> 10011 Otaku attempts to marry you to Sitri, but he proceeds to reject you and elope with a cool, new TI-84 6666 Plus with a custom Himeko skin on one side. Before he departs, he says "buy Lisa stocks now- you won't regret it!" (END)

> 10012 Otaku attempts to marry you to Yuu, but he is too busy theorycrafting, and rejects you for a frame counting spreadsheet. (END)

You enter the raffle without reading what the rewards are. The ticket that you picked contains one of these numbers: [[1. 10000->Ending Kiri]] [[2. 10001->Ending Flame]] [[3. 10002->Ending Nesquik]] [[4. 10003->Ending Shiro]] [[5. 10004->Ending Lumie]] [[6. 10005->Ending Seleil]] [[7. 10006->Ending Jonny]] [[8. 10007->Ending HotSauce]] [[9. 10008->Ending Mope]] [[10. 10009->Ending Toki]] [[11. 10010->Ending Mudz]] [[12. 10011->Ending Sitri]] [[13. 10012->Ending Yuu]]

(if: $varHasReadRules is 0)[You ignore reading the rules and head towards the center of the room.] (else:)[You read the rules and head towards the center of the room.] As you make your way to the center, someone pokes you. “Here’s a couple invitations for the events happening soon! We’ll also be holding a raffle - oh, seems like it’s almost over!” --- ''What will you do?'' [[1. Accept the invitation labelled "Insy".->Route Insy - 0]] [[2. Accept the invitation labelled "Olivia".->Route Olivia - 0]] [[3. Enter the raffle.->Raffle]]

You decide to accept Insy’s invite to watch her stream. You join Insy’s Osu streaming event and are excited to hang out. Insy asserts, "Just so you know I am not happy at all that you chose to come to my event b-baka! Seriously you are the worst. Are you that desperate for my attention? HMPH!" --- How do you respond? (link:"1. \"You’re such a tsundere… I know you want me here so I came! You going to have your dere phase anytime soon Insy? Or are you going to keep jebaitng me? Worst case I might just leave if that’s what you want..\"")[(set: $varRouteInsy0 to 0)(goto:"Route Insy - 1")] (link:"2. \"Lol you’re so funny! I swear you are THE definition of a tsundere -omegalawl emote- Glad I made it just in time for your stream! Should invite me to watch more often you tsun.\"")[(set: $varRouteInsy0 to 1)(goto:"Route Insy - 1")]

(if: $varRouteInsy0 is 0)[> You jest, "You’re such a tsundere… I know you want me here so I came! You going to have your dere phase anytime soon Insy? Or are you going to keep jebaitng me? Worst case I might just leave if that’s what you want.." --- Insy stammers, "S-shut up! I was just bored and that is it!! I AM NOT A TSUNDERE! Ugh.. But I swear if you leave I will hurt you..baka.. So just shut up and watch me S these maps!"] (else:)[> You jest, "Lol you’re so funny! I swear you are THE definition of a tsundere -omegalawl emote- Glad I made it just in time for your stream! Should invite me to watch more often you tsun." --- Insy retorts, "Ha. Ha. Very funny but I told you already, I am NOT a tsundere! I-i just thought you were bored too and wanted to watch me play some Osu Mania. So don’t get it in your head that I wanted you here b-baka!"] After several attempts Insy was getting frustrated and could not S the map for the life of her. "Uggghhhh. I swear it’s the lag and not me. I should be clapping this map but i keep fucking up! T-this is definitely all your fault!" --- What will you say? [[1. "Hah! And you were saying this would be so easy. Guess the only thing you have going for you is the tsun. Git gud kid and come back when you can S in one attempt!"->Ending Insy (Bad)]] [[2. "Don’t mind, don't mind! Haha you’ve got this! Even if you didn’t want me here I would have still came to cheer you on. Be tsun all you want but I’m still waiting for that S and dere ;)"->Ending Insy (Good)]]

> You say, "Hah! And you were saying this would be so easy. Guess the only thing you have going for you is the tsun. Git gud kid and come back when you can S in one attempt!" --- Insy responds, "You didn’t have to be so rude about it! P-plus I just wanted you here because you belong to me and only me… And lately, I always see you chatting and DMing different girls.. I-i always said that you were mine… Only I get to bully you. Only I get to chat with you. You are mine only and only MINE… If you don’t stay with me I will kill you.. B-but only cus I love you so much. Since you will always be mine right?....Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? Right? RIGHT?!" <img src="https://i.imgflip.com/40ijan.jpg"> (BAD END)

> You say, "Don’t mind, don't mind! Haha you’ve got this! Even if you didn’t want me here I would have still came to cheer you on. Be tsun all you want but I’m still waiting for that S and dere ;)" --- Insy stammers yet again, "B-baka! It’s not like I wanted you here anyways! It would have made no difference to me anyways! ….B-but I’m glad you came… So if you’re still free… Want to continue watching until I get the S..?" You finally got the dere phase you didn’t deserve but needed. Insy finally got that S and made sure to thank you for spending your time with her. Insy will forever be a tsun but deep down you finally realize the miracle known as the dere side of Insy. You performed the forbidden and lewd act of holding hands and walked off into the sun set. (GOOD END)

> You say, "I only came for you milady." You tip your fedora. --- Olivia responds, "O: I swear 2 god if u tip your fedora at me one more time i would try to recite the entirety of the navy seal copypasta in my Amiya from Arknights voice but it's not like I remember or even know what Amiya from Arknights sounds like but what the fuck ever i'll try - what did you say to me you fucking uwu loser sad sad loser navy arknights. I graduated arknights at the top of my navy class and i'm not even a gamer i s2g you wangsheng people and your copypastas. half the time i can't tell if everything anyone says here is copied from some degen discord's meme channel. hehe. so, kekkyoku, no you did not come for me milady, get out now. and i hope you didn't enjoy that. bye." Olivia mutes you irl. (END)

Olivia suggests you to join in on the fun, "Come on why don't you sing Renai Circulation this time instead of me this time?" You decline, "No." --- Olivia ignores you. "Ok." She begins to sing Renai Circulation again. You have once again chosen to dedicate your life to 2D Genshin waifus. (END)

> You respond, "Glad I could make it!" --- Olivia smiles, "Sounds lit glad you could come. I hope that u were able to think of a song beforehand to sing, like maybe a cruel angel's thesis from like ava jellion... even gelian... evangellion? you know from that anime i didn't watch because i don't like anime. where it goes like "zankoku na tenshi no teizei shounnnen something shinwa ne nare?" or something like that? do you know that song?" --- What will you say? [[1. "Yeah, like from Neon Genesis Evangelion? Yeah, I know it."->Ending Olivia - 3]] [[2. You mispronounce Evangelion. "What's an Evangelion?" ->Route Olivia - 2]]

> You mispronounce Evangelion. "What's an Evangelion?" --- Olivia shrugs, "i wish i knew what an evangelion is. i just sing at every karaoke because my friend told me it was a good karaoke song once. i see you don't like anime? Good." You respond, "Oh, you just mispronounced Evangelion. I love that anime." She seems to ignore your comment. "So are you gonna sing zankoku na tenshi no teizei or...?" --- What will you say? [[1. "Sure." (Not casually)->Ending Olivia - 4]] [[2. "Sure." (Casually)->Ending Olivia - 5]]

> You say, "Yeah, like from Neon Genesis Evangelion? Yeah, I know it." --- Olivia nods, "yeah like from neon genesis evangelion. the only thing i know about it is that there was a honkai collaboration and i failed almost every tutorial stage. i only downloaded honkai because i was saving my genshin pulls for hu tao and might have a gambling addiction. ok have fun singing!" "Oh okay... Sure, I'll sing it." You proceed to sing the Evangelion opening VERY poorly. Olivia's face looks like Wheezetao but irl and is trying super hard not to laugh. "Oh... Your singing.. that was... so good ... i'm so happy you... sang the evangelion opening song wow my life is changed by how.. good you are at singing the evangelion opening song." You respond, "Yeah, I'm not the best." Olivia replies, "That's fine thx for participating. at least you didn't tip your fedora at me. gotta go get dinner brb." Olivia never comes back. (END)

> You say, ""Are you Olivia, or are you Three Parrots in a Trench Coat?" --- Olivia responds, "omg. u caught me! you win! merry christmas and keqing!" Olivia turns into 3 parrots and flies away. The Olivia parrot from the top of the trench coat flies back down, and you propose marriage to her. Crying tears of joy, she says yes, and you have a beautiful wedding ceremony. She flies down the aisle next to Spongebob, and Lightning McQueen officiates. After you say the final vows, the Titanic song, "My Heart Will Go On" starts playing, and you look at the bird with pure elation, ready to start your new life together. All is well. (END)

> "Sure." (Not Casually) --- Olivia responds, "o sounds good. that song kinda slaps, almost as hard as my karaoke nights." "Okay!" You sing A Cruel Angel's Thesis but stop halfway through. "Can I start over? I got nervous." Olivia sighs, "I guess so, can we get a restart?" You restart singing but it's worse this time around. You stop halfway through again. Olivia, "Do you want to restart again?" "Yes." "okay i guess so," Olivia says. As you begin to start singing, you realize you started too early because the backing track was off. Olivia interrupts you, "Oh my god stop pls. it would have been worse if you had like... tipped ur fedora at me. Is2g." You exclaim, "Wait! No!" Olivia rejects. "No." (END)

> "Sure." (Casually) --- Olivia responds, "u know u don't have to sing a cruel angel's thesis if u don't want to." You say, "I know, but I think I'll try just for fun." Olivia expresses her gratitude, "thx for coming to my karaoke night again btw, it almost means a lot." "Oh, that's nice." "That was the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me." "Ok, well then I'll sing I guess." You proceed to sing A Cruel Angel's Thesis casually but not terribly. "Wow you're such a weeb and i kinda don't hate it, " Olivia remarks. "Wow, thanks, Olivia! I love you!" You exclaim. "Chill bro maybe you could hmu sometime if u want maybe," she responds. You hit Olivia up, and you have a nice conversation about DPS Diona and how she can 9 star floor nine and 8 star floor 10. (END)

<h1 style="font-size:+2">Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Dating Sim</h1> v1.0 [[Play->Intro]] Special thanks to Moist, Olivia, & Sephi <a href="https://discord.com/invite/HuTao"><img src="https://cdn.icon-icons.com/icons2/2108/PNG/512/discord_icon_130958.png" width="64" title="Wangsheng Funeral Parlor Discord"/></a>